White Dude

[Hook: Lil Dicky]
And y'ain't even want it with da boy
Cause the way I'm livin life, is a muthafuckin joy
On some grown man B.I.
I could have been a girl
Or any ethnicity up in the world
But I'm rollin with the top back
I ain't gotta worry where the cops at
I ain't gotta wear a fucking bra strap
Me and the crew
Are really doing everything that we like to
Man it's a damn good day to be a white dude

[Verse 1: Lil Dicky]
Shit, I'm living good up in this bitch
Dicky rollin round the city, blowin good up in that wip
I ain't black or Dominican, not Hispanic or Indian
So imprisonment is not a predicament, I envision
For a white boy
Hollatcha muthafuckin kike, boy
Higher than a muthafuckin kite, it's iight boi
They ain't suspicious of jews
I'll show contrition it's cool
Slap on the wrist, get ma daddy to choose
One of them top lawyers dat be rollin round in his crew
I'm eating chop soy and bowlin on a carnival cruise
Das what I do kid
Happy that my name ain't stupid
Dave coulda been Daquan with a few kids
But now I'm farting, overeating at meals,
If ain't I gotta theme party, Ion't be at goodwill
I'm dentist paying, tennis playing, smellin on some cabernet
And I ain't gay but if I was, everything would be okay, look...
I know I'm being condescending in ma rhymes
But ma premium channels mean tyler perry's never live
Getting tickets, they sick, I sit at the eagle 45
Where I'm eating when I'm high's where they eat at to survive (food chainssss)

[Hook]

[Verse 2: Lil Dicky]
Yeah. It's little DI in this bitch ho
Happy that I'm white, but relieved I ain't a chick yo
I never wake up and have to cake on ma make up
Or straighten hair, I ain't given a damn
I'm wearing whatever I wanna in this muthafucka
They up in heels
And tummy tuckin, theyon't grub except for takin them pills, foreal...
And ion't bleach shit
Ion't gotta eat dick
I ain't bleeding up out ma penis
Smoking the weed, ion't fall asleep because I'm cheefing
In disagreements, I participate without weeping
And when I'm freaking, I'm getting daps, high fives, and all that
Ma rep goin up, and at best, ho a slut
So what up
Ya boy cut up
But eat butter
And I ain't gotta speak to ma mother... to still love her
And I been getting better looking with age
But a guy can get who he deserves with a horrible face
Seal interlude
I go on dates, and never have to worry bout getting raped
And I watch a game and never have to worry bout how it's played
And I meet a babe and never have to act deliriously fake
And if impregnate I can pack a back and be on my way, but good luck girl!

[Hook]

[Outro: Lil Dicky]
Yeah... I'm happy as fuck man
First off I'm a dude so
There was a one in two chance of that sucking
But now I can run a seven minute mile
I can defend my self adequately
I can be logical
I can get along with my room-mates
Watch serious movies without being scared by them
And the on top of that I'm white
Which is like, amazing because
Everybody naturally assumes I'm a great person
I get a fair shot at the life I deserve
I mean I could underachieve my way into any college in the country
I get my hair cut at a salon
People hold the door open for me which is nice
Er, I never have to get into a fight, like, for social purposes
And please don't take this as me just disparaging black people
It ain't about that
It's about me being happy that I'm white, know what I'm saying?
But on that note, could someone explain to me why Fat Joe, and any other person of Hispanic descent, is allowed to say the N-word
I mean I guess it's unrelated but like that shit don't make any sense
I've been thinking about that shit a lot
Because like if I could say the N-word, it would really help my rhyme scheme out
It's like the perfect filler word