Trephination

Trephination
I used to want to take a drill to my head
Let the pain out of the hole
I used to want to cut the veins in my neck
Cool the blood boiling my soul
When I wondered, why my daily headaches thundered
Tried to buffer, pushing down the pain I suffered
Mutilated, feeling so humiliated
Cannot wash the dirt off underneath my skin

There was a part of me left far behind
When at the age of five years old
I had my innocence taken from me
Emptiness would fill the hole
Now a second grader, thinking why I don’t feel better
Why I’m filthy, why the hell I feel so guilty
When drawing stick men of pornographic men and women
Thinking all the time there’s something wrong with me

Everyday for three years from dawn ‘til dusk a migraine
Would take me and break me
And it’d cripple me so much that
In dreams, it’d seem, with a hole in my temple
That I could probably make my headaches finally go away

Trephination
Trephination
The enemy inside of me
Won’t let me free
Wants me to bleed

And after three years now my headaches wear off
For reasons not quite to me known
The acupuncture needles sticking my skin
Pushed them down as far as they’d go
But now I’m older and now inside my anger smolders
From depression, to fighting taking out my vengeance
Consequences, now I’d question during sex if…
Is this how it feels or am I faking it?

No longer the child that you left there at the bart tracks
I’m now at 17, left in an empty blackness
On drugs, with thugs, and thinking “goddamn”
I’m ending up in a failure, in the gutter passed out

Trephination
Trephination
This enemy inside of me
Won’t let me free
Wants me to bleed

Now I’m older and in this man an anger smolders
Now I’m thinking a hole in you is what I’m seeing
Your depression, is the dent I kick in you in vengeance
Consequences are the pain I’d give to you

I know that I’m dreaming, but in this dream I go in
Go through it, and end it
And though I’d never do it
I’m killing you, hand on the trigger – pull it
Your final thought’ll be a bullet in your fuckin’ head

Trephination
Trephination
This enemy inside of me
I’m now killing
To make me free