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The magazine is now my good friend
I'm thrilled the moment it is opened
It feels so beautiful to pretend
I'm glad it's not godd*mned sensational
Rolling up my sleeves to find out
What the stinking fuss is about
I need to prove without a doubt
That nobody is losing their marbles
The psychic friends are here to help us
And hot line girls I know are a must
In consolidated bills we trust
Personal injury lawyers are wonderful
I have got to know what's a postcoital glow
I need to know
A-wop bam boom a-boop bop a-what to do
Quality control is sure great
Any job done well is first rate
Pride in workmanship is worth the wait
Happiness is a thirty day warranty
The diet I've been on is so good
I've lost more weight than I thought I could
My abs are like they're made of fine wood
I fit right in with the people I admire most