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I like glitter and sparkly dresses
But I'm not gonna talk about that
In my monologue
I like baking and things that smell like winter
But I'm not gonna talk about that
In my monologue
La La La
La La La
I like writing songs about douchebags who cheat on me
But I'm not gonna say that
In my monologue
I like writing their names in songs so they're ashamed to go in public
But I'm not gonna say that
In my monologue
La La
La La La La La
This is my musical monologue
You might think I'd bring up Joe
That guy who broke up with me on the phone
But I'm not gonna mention him
In my monologue
Hey Joe, I'm doin' real well
Tonight I'm hosting SNL
But I'm not gonna brag about that
In my monologue
La La La
Ha Ha Ha
Ha Ha Ha
Ha Ha Ha
La La La
And if you're wondering if I might
Be dating the werewolf from Twilight
I'm not gonna comment on that
In my monologue
La La
La La La La La
This is my musical monologue
You might be expecting me to say
Something bad about Kanye
And how he ran up on the stage
And ruined my VMA monologue
But there's nothing more to say
'Cause everything's okay
I've got security lining the stage
This is my SNL monologue
La la
La la la la la
This is my SNL monologue
La la
La la la la la
That was my SNL monologue