Оригинален текст
J.D.: Hey, Ms. Miller, we just need a stool sample
Ms Miller : Why do you need a stool sample if you think I'm just a nut ?
Turk & JD: 'Cause the answer's not in your head, my dear, it's in your butt !
J.D.: You see....
Everything comes down to poo !
From the top of your head, to the sole of your shoe
We can figure out what's wrong with you by looking at your poo!
Turk ?
Turk: Do you have a hemorrhoid or is it rectal cancer ?
When you flush your dookie down, you flush away the answer !
J.D.: It doesn't really matter if it's hard or if it's loose
We'll figure out what's ailing you, as long as it's a deuce!
Yes !
Everything comes down to poo !
Nurses: Everything comes down to poo !
J.D.: Cardiovascular and lymphatic, yes, the nervous system, too!
All across the nation, we trust in defecation !
Everything comes down to poo !
Turk: If you want to know what's wrong, don't sit and act so cool
Just be a man and eat some bread, and drop the kids off at the pool !
Robed Woman: My stomach hurts
J.D: Check the poo
Limping Woman: I sprained my ankle
Turk: Check the poo !
Bloody Shoulder Guy: I was shot !
J.D: Check the poo !
Delivery Guy: A homeless guy threw poo in my eye !
Turk: Check the poo !
Delivery Guy: Mine or his ?
J.D: First him, then you !
It may sound gross, you may say "shush !"
J.D. & Turk: But we need to see what comes out of your tush !
Because...
All: Everything comes down to poo !
Whether it's a tumor or a touch of the flu !
J.D. & Turk: Please, won't you pinch us off a big, fat clue !
Turk: Our number one test is your Number Two !
All: If there's no breeze, light a match please !
Everything comes down to...
J.D.: Doo-doo !
Turk: Doo-doo !
J.D.: Doo-doo !
Turk: Doo-doo !
All: Everything comes down to ... poo !