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Too USDhort
All rise...order in the court
The honourable judge muth*fkin' Too USDhort
presidin' over Superior Players Court
The first case is the State vs. Fate Wilson A.K.A. Baby Flex
You bein' charged wit home invasion and hoe slaughter
For fkin' another nigg*'s b*tch
Lil' Fate
Listen close to what I say
Dog, it might hurt ya
I be cuttin' ya girl while you be goin' to work bruh
When she first called my conscience was like, "Hell naw, Fate don't"
But she said, "I'm only around the corner", and popped her lil' punt
Apartment 5-7-0-1, told her I was eatin' right now
Be over there when I get done
Got there, knocked on the door
She opened up the door half naked, lookin' exquisite
Ackin' mad 'cuz I ain't spoke to her since the last time a nigg* hit it
She said, "Don't worry forget it since we only have 30 minutes"
'Fore her man came home for lunch
So I bust my nut and raised up wit
Five mnutes to spare, her man unaware
I saw him in traffic, beeped the horn and threw a deuce in the air
Yea I'm a playa
But I feel guilty 'bout cuttin' a broad
I need counselin' dog, 'cuz it's guilty as charged
Simply because I felt victim to l*st and
Knowin' all the while it was my cousin girlfriend I had been fkin' (d*mn!)
Too USDhort
The court finds you guitly as charged
Your sentence is PUI school
For pimpin' under the influence, nigg*
Next case...
Oh we got us a repeat offender in the house
Jenny Jones A.K.A. Shanwnna
Same ol' charge...wanted in 8 states
What's yo story this time?
Shawnna
Oh yes yo' honor I see we talkin' again
I have no representation now shall we begin
I know you seen my face before but...hold on my friend
It's gettin' away wit doin' the...same s**t I did
I...can't do no bid
I got a mortgage and my kids
In a forest by the bridge
And I drives a Rolls Royce in a porridge wit dem grills
So you undertand I was tryna pay me some bills
When I was flippin' outta state while I was takin' a chill
Shootin' deem and a couple friends, spend a couple ends
Took the top off of the drop and let the bubble spin
got off in my knot and let them troubles in
So I decided to put that s**t in my own hands
None of these hoes can fk me, only God judge me
That man told me he love me and he flash money
My only crime could just be livin' it filthy
So let me hear it on mo' time--not guilty
Too USDhort
Bailiff, take her into custody
(Woman screaming)
Oh, not my baby!
Hell naw!
Too USDhort
Next case...
State vs. Velvet Jones A.K.A. Ludacris
You bein' charged wit impeedin' how traffic
Spendin' too much time tryna fk one hoe
How do you plead Mr. Jones?
Ludacris
Man I'm the pimp of all pimps and y'all comin' up short
Too USDhort
Calm down before I hold yo as* contempt of court
Ludacris
Ya honor, just be cool, let me approach that bench
And sprinkle seasonin' on yo ears 'bout how I choked that beeyotch!
Too USDhort
Well did she promise you the p*ssy, mayn?
Ludacris
She ceratinly did
I got empty McDonald's cups in my car and my crib
She owe me sumthin', b*tch betta show me sumthin'
Wrap her legs around my waist and start to throw me sumthin'
I'm simply the meanest, you lookin' at the stroke of a genius
The only verdict made should be the subpoena uh this penis
No objections or appeals, let's cut us a deal
And I promise to tell the truth if my partner don't squeal
She's awfully cautious, said the jury makes her nautious
She said she said she'd suck my d*ck if I dropped the charges
Oh no! Time to make ya kidneys shift
Too USDhort
But didn't you fk her best friend?
Ludacris
Oh, I plead the fifth
Too USDhort talking
Yea, that sound like some s**t you'll say
Ol' pimp as* nigg*
Due to lack of evidence, I'm droppin' the charges
Don't let me see you in here again
Let this be a lesson learned
If you don't know you player rules
You liable to violate the game and get sent away for a long, long time
Remember...never hate on a real player
It ain't gon' get you nowhere, mayn
It's a lotta hoes out there player so...
Ain't no reason fot yuo to fk ya best friend
Or ya cousin or ya brother's girl
Get ya own b*tch, mayn, you know what I'm sayin'?
You runnin' around here...
Violatin' major player rules
You 'bout to get the muth*fkin' book thrown at yo b*tch ass
fkin' 'round in this court
You know what I'm sayin'? It's all about the money baby
It it ain't about the money...it ain't about s**t!!
To all you runnin' 'round here...
Corny than a motherfker
Just tryna fk a b*tch 'cuz you wanna get a nut off
Think about that money first, mayn--what is that b*tch doin' for you?
What are you gettin' outta the situation?
Tryna give a b*tch sumthin'
What you gon' give her sumthin' for--some p*ssy?!
It's trickin', mayn
Don't be a BEEUTCH!
Be a real pimp, nigg*
Make that hoe pay you for everythang you do
Everythang you do you gotta get money, mayn...all day, all night
I wouldn't fk a b*tch for free
Just like I wouldn't rap for free, motherfker
Yea, you know my favorite word...BEEUTCH!!