Оригинален текст
Performed by Adam Sandler and Jennifer Lien
"And now the buffoon's date at the drive-in with the school's valedictorian."
Valedictorian: "I really appreciate you're asking me out. Most people are intimidated by my high academic achievement."
Buffoon: "This movie sucks s**t!"
Valedictorian: "Well, Ebel gave it thumbs up, but Ciscel thought it was too preachy. Anyway, I enjoyed the director's last film immensly."
Buffoon: "Cathleen Turner has big fkin' t*ts!"
Valedictorian: "Yes, well, she recently had a child. I think her maternal biology may play a role in that. She looks fabulous for a woman her age, doesn't she?"
Buffoon: "I put a firecracker in a bullfrog's mouth and blew his fkin' head off."
Valedictorian: "Well, in psychology we learned that it is not uncommon for male adolescents to commit savage acts on animals as part of their maturing process."
Buffoon: "That girl in the fking car in front of us, she gives everybody head."
Valedictorian: "Well, I guess she's strong for attention and she feels promiscuity is the only way to obtain it."
Buffoon eating popcorn
Buffoon: "This popcorn's fkin' terrible. It tastes like someone j*zzed all over it."
Buffoon continues to eat popcorn
Valedictorian: "Well the amount of s*men on this popcorn is certainly disturbing. Perhaps the staff in the refreshment stand was overcome by the monotony of their work and decided to play a childish prank."
Buffoon: "I looked at my a**hole in the mirror today. It blew my fkin' mind!"
Valedictorian: "It's ironic that parts of one's body seems odd and unusual because you don't see them on a day to day basis.
Buffoon: "My father's s**t stinks up the bathroom all fkin' day!"
Valedictorian: "It's puzzling why one person's fecal odor can be more overpowering than another's. I wonder whether it is a function of the food digested or that person's internal metabolism."
Buffoon: "I'm gonna go get head from that fkin' girl."
Gets out of the car
Valedictorian: "Well, I'm sorry to see the date come to such an abrubt conclusion."
Buffoon walking away
"I do appreciate the time you spent with me and look forward to a future rondevue."
Buffoon: "I like to pi*s in that guy's fkin' gas tank!"
Valedictorian: "Bye bye! Have fun."
Buffoon continues to walk away